I am new to this group but this is my 3rd year homeschooling my children dd 10, ds6, ds 2. I do think that unschooling is the "right" way if there is such a thing, but I seem to have trouble accepting this from my 10 year old who is constantly complaining that she is bored and there is nothing to do while her friends are in school. She does not want to go to school herself, thankfully, but the whining is wearing on me. We have so many things available for her to do, she only needs to choose one. If I suggest it , it's a definite no, even with broad categories - art project, sewing, read a book, play piano, etc. I read David Albert and yearn for a child so interested in learning and wonder where did I go wrong? It's not that we don't have outside activities (sometimes I think a bit too much - but we manage). Any thoughts? does anyone else have a child that shuns learning?
Amie
Amie
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Re: no interests?
Tue, February 5, 2008 - 11:53 PMI'm not there yet, so can't really say but it reminded me of something that a friend who taught at a Wondertree (self design) school said to me about new students at her school. She said that in the first few days they would come to a point where they would get bored and that this was a good thing and a necessary step. They would ask her what they should do and she would advise them to do whatever they wanted to do. Then I seem to remember she said that they would generally sit there for a while bored, and then give up and read a book or start a drawing or something, and that that was their first step in self motivated learning. They were learning to learn. They were un-learning external control.
I hope that helps somehow. Good luck with it. Keep us posted.
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Re: no interests?
Thu, February 7, 2008 - 7:04 AMI haven't come upon this yet myself but was recently reading a discussion about it on one of my lists. If I remember right, the mamas were suggesting that sometimes boredom comes from a need for connection and that it isn't necessarily about finding the child something to do, but maybe inviting her to sit with you and do what you're doing or go for a walk together or just share something that helps her feel more connected to you. Because she's bored doesn't mean she shuns learning, it means there is some need that isn't being met and it's a matter of clearing the old baggage (such as longing for a different kind of child) and figuring out what that need is. -
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Re: no interests?
Thu, February 7, 2008 - 11:58 AMfairy, you took the words out of my mouth! -
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Re: no interests?
Fri, February 8, 2008 - 7:45 AMWhenever it seems I am so discouraged about dd, she surprises me. So, she just went through her entire piano lesson book in 3 days and started working on an old math book from her bookcase - Not "grade level", but something. I think the post about letting go is on target, but I am finding this especially hard. Any thoughts?
Amie -
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Re: no interests?
Fri, February 8, 2008 - 7:51 AMStill another thought - mainly it seems to me that I am trying to hold her to a standard of how much work I suspect is going on at school and how we seem to do next to nothing here. I know the kids are still learning, but it seems so little in comparison to what other kids are doing. I don't want or expect 7 hours of anything. I guess I need reassurance that it will all work out and some way to get over my embarrassment at having nothing to show for the work that must be going on in her head.
Amie -
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Re: no interests?
Fri, February 8, 2008 - 10:08 AMHey, Amie.
one of the things that i so regret about my own (relatively good, private school) education is that it took us so much time to do SO LITTLE!
what a waste of time and energy so much of it was.
and then growing up and having to learn how to leave behind that busy work way of being, that need to always be "doing," and the accompanying and nagging feeling that in all that busyness not much of use is getting done.
really, how many hours would it take to do the actual learning most kids do between kindergarten and high school graduation, i wonder? -
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Re: no interests?
Fri, February 8, 2008 - 1:42 PMWhy do you need something to show for the work that's going on in her head? Is this a homeschool requirement thing that's bugging you, or just old school baggage? There is no way for you to really gauge the learning that's going on in her head and, I am beginning to believe that the less we try to measure it, own it, process or control it, the greater it will be for our kids. So much of the busyness that goes on in school is not at ALL about learning and ALL about social conditioning for a world I'd just as soon not see my kid live in.
Have you read John Holt's Learning All The Time? There are tons of good books out there about how children learn naturally and with much greater enthusiasm when they are not force fed. Some children need more structure and support, others can teach themselves to read entirely on their own. Also, if she's spent a lot of time in school or doing formal homeschooling and you are just making the transition to unschooling I have read from other mamas going through the same that it usually takes a period of 'deschooling' during which the kids don't do much of anything but get used to what it feels like to be allowed to think for themselves. This might also feel a lot like boredom.
For me personally, I just don't believe that being busy means we are accomplishing something. I think that the greatest revelations often come when we are sitting still. How else would we ever have a chance to hear ourselves think?
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